Unsaid Feelings Poetry Entry no. 5: “Not now but someday, I promise”

One afternoon, it was raining
When I wasn’t doing anything
I just found myself staring to nothing
And then turn to thinking something

Something that I shouldn’t
Something that I couldn’t
Stop myself on doing it
Stop myself on still pursuing it

Even it may break my heart
Into pieces or even apart
No matter hard how I try
In the end I only find myself began to cry

I know you don’t care
Cause I wasn’t her
Even If I was had difficulty
You were not guilty

Cause who am I to you
For you to care
Cause who am I to you
For you to take care

I’m just no one and nothing
For you to have anything
Anything to give your happiness
Instead I might only give you sadness

Cause even my life wasn’t perfect
And I can’t do anything for it
To change everything bad
To ease the pain I still had

Maybe I’m not that smart as her
Maybe I’m not that pretty as her
Maybe I’m not that talented as her
But I’m not cursing like her

I’m not like her going on somewhere
Instead of going home early to do household chore
Cause if am I going to be ask
Instead, I’m just going to do some task

If you were going to choose someone over me
Make sure she was better on me
Not on things that I’m good that you already know
I already change for the better, for you to know

I’m trying to do things that I still didn’t try to
Cause I’m discovering on things what I can do
Not for you but for myself and people around me
Who stays no matter what happens to me

You know, I’m just starting
To do something
To do what supposed to be
To end that should be

Maybe not now
Maybe not tomorrow
But somehow you doesn’t know
And you don’t need know

Someday I can treat you as nothing
Someday I can forget everything
Someday I can look you eye to eye
And with no hidden feelings deep inside

I will do everything to forget you
I will do everything to fall out in love you
Cause I know that it will make us in good term
So I promise, I will do those for us to be in good term

*August 08, 2017*